You know when you read profiles or whatever and there is that certain phrase which appears fairly often "I may be a sub/slave but im no doormat"? well i have always agreed with that because heck i am not a doormat but then....really thinking about it maybe i am a goddam doormat..he does walk all over me (not literally of course..i think thats more a female Dominant trait..isnt it?..besides he wouldnt look good in heels) and he walks all over me because he can.
I think...and i do over analyse everything (is that a female trait i wander?) how the fuck has this happened?, how has this man got so under my skin that just him telling me that im a "good girl" makes me feel so damn good, content and happy!!!On the flip side of the coin when he expresses his disappointment over a way i may have behaved im reduced to being much like a snivelling child who has been scolded and my stomach is in knots because im so upset.
Now i have always felt that part of the reasoning of this is because im submissive but perhaps its not, a friend of mine who has recently split from her partner is far from being submissive yet she worshipped her ex man, in many ways she placed him on the proverbial pedestal..now bearing in mind she is now a man hater (that wont last) she keeps saying to me.."why the fuck did i do that...he is just a bloody man"?
I havent been like this in other relationships, admittedley i have only had one other D/s relationship (the rest being vanilla) but it wasnt like this at all, yes i love him so obviously that plays a large factor but its not just that....truth is i just dont know what it is that makes me behave and feel in ways i didnt think i could or would want to.
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